It's time for the jokes, folks!
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
I hear that Countdown's Rachel Riley is in the new series of "Strictly Come Dancing"
I think she's just there to make up the numbers.....
I think she's just there to make up the numbers.....
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Two English cooks at the Vatican (Mrs Tina Smith and Mrs Marge Brown) upset the new Pope on his first day in office, when they asked him "Does the Holy Father want a Full English breakfast?"
Apparently, annoyed by the Falklands situation and still smarting from the absence of either the Queen or the Prime Minister at his inauguration, the new Pope was reported to have replied, tersely...
"Don't fry for me, Marge and Tina..."
Apparently, annoyed by the Falklands situation and still smarting from the absence of either the Queen or the Prime Minister at his inauguration, the new Pope was reported to have replied, tersely...
"Don't fry for me, Marge and Tina..."
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
This wet weather is awful.
People keep coming into my house and throwing their wet umbrellas on the floor.
I've decided it's time I make a stand...
People keep coming into my house and throwing their wet umbrellas on the floor.
I've decided it's time I make a stand...
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says: "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says: "What's his name?"
Mick replies: "Miles, from London"
Mick says: "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says: "What's his name?"
Mick replies: "Miles, from London"
"My Mum always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana"
HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
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HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
Original HTFCSA #2
Original PPD number 21
- Soup Dragon
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
What do you call a feminist cheese?
Germaine Gruyere.
Germaine Gruyere.
It took me years to understand "here's" from "hears", so their you go!
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Soup Dragon wrote:What do you call a feminist cheese?
Germaine Gruyere.
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Paddy and Mick went to London to find a sperm bank and donate for some extra money.
It was a total disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".
It was a total disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".
"My Mum always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana"
HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
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HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
Original HTFCSA #2
Original PPD number 21
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Ref talks to player concerned. "One more and you're off"
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Paddy and his wife are lying in bed trying to get to sleep, but the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden next door.
Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"
"My Mum always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana"
HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
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HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
Original HTFCSA #2
Original PPD number 21
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Now, I had this via text earlier, fanned it out to numerous HTFC fans with the message "dare I put it on the forum or will Ben ban me?"
Several said I should, I can give you their names Ben...
"I have bought my mate a Man Utd lamp for Christmas. It looks great in the middle of the table"
Several said I should, I can give you their names Ben...
"I have bought my mate a Man Utd lamp for Christmas. It looks great in the middle of the table"
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Blackburn's DJ Campbell has confirmed that pending potential legal action will not keep him out of this weekend's 2-1 defeat at Millwall....
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
A young Chinese couple get married.
She is a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask.
Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Nummaa 69."
More thoughtful silence but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her..
"You want... Garric Chicken with corrifrowa?"
She is a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask.
Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Nummaa 69."
More thoughtful silence but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her..
"You want... Garric Chicken with corrifrowa?"
"My Mum always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana"
HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
Original HTFCSA #2
Original PPD number 21
HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
Original HTFCSA #2
Original PPD number 21
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Peter Pannu is on £19k pw at B*rm*ngh*m C*ty
Oh no, sorry, this thread is only for fictitious jokes...
Oh no, sorry, this thread is only for fictitious jokes...
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
- Soup Dragon
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
'Retailers announce Red Wednesday'
Britain's retailers have announced plans for Red Wednesday in mid-January, the day when everyone realises just how much money they spent on tat they didn't need on Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
"Red Wednesday will be the day when British shoppers already burdened down with crippling debts attempt to cheer themselves up by rushing to the shops to buy more tat on credit cards already maxed out in December during all these stupid shopping days we keep making up", said an expert.
Britain's retailers have announced plans for Red Wednesday in mid-January, the day when everyone realises just how much money they spent on tat they didn't need on Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
"Red Wednesday will be the day when British shoppers already burdened down with crippling debts attempt to cheer themselves up by rushing to the shops to buy more tat on credit cards already maxed out in December during all these stupid shopping days we keep making up", said an expert.
It took me years to understand "here's" from "hears", so their you go!
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
A poem entitled 'In memoriam - Car Tax Disc'.
So, farewell
Then Car Tax Disc
You are out
Of date, and
Will expire in
September 2014
I must make a
Note of that
(Sorry!)
So, farewell
Then Car Tax Disc
You are out
Of date, and
Will expire in
September 2014
I must make a
Note of that
(Sorry!)
It took me years to understand "here's" from "hears", so their you go!
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed – and the wife was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Glyn wrote:A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed – and the wife was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewellers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Q. Whats the fastest cake in the world?
A. Sc'g'one
Q. Whats the fastest milk in the world?
A. Past-ur-eyes (say it quick).
A. Sc'g'one
Q. Whats the fastest milk in the world?
A. Past-ur-eyes (say it quick).
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
What d'you call an Egyptian Ruler covered in chocolate?
Pharoah Rocher
(I love the daft ones!)
Pharoah Rocher
(I love the daft ones!)
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
- Soup Dragon
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Topical joke:
Dr Foster returns to Gloucester after a disastrous move to Somerset.
Said Dr Foster, "When I said I'd never go to Gloucester again, I didn't anticipate even bigger puddles in the West Country".
Well I thought it was funny!
Dr Foster returns to Gloucester after a disastrous move to Somerset.
Said Dr Foster, "When I said I'd never go to Gloucester again, I didn't anticipate even bigger puddles in the West Country".
Well I thought it was funny!
It took me years to understand "here's" from "hears", so their you go!
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
What is a penguin's favourite footwear?
Flipper-floppers
I love the daft ones ...
... and you'll never guess where I got that one from!
Flipper-floppers
I love the daft ones ...
... and you'll never guess where I got that one from!
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
- Soup Dragon
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
I went to the local supermarket.
I said ‘I want to make a complaint; this vinegar’s got lumps in it’.
He said ‘Those are pickled onions’.
I said ‘I want to make a complaint; this vinegar’s got lumps in it’.
He said ‘Those are pickled onions’.
It took me years to understand "here's" from "hears", so their you go!
- Soup Dragon
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
The woes at Old Trafford!
https://fbcdn-video-a.akamaihd.net/hvid ... ae9a0bd9b0
https://fbcdn-video-a.akamaihd.net/hvid ... ae9a0bd9b0
It took me years to understand "here's" from "hears", so their you go!
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Jurgen Klopp has ruled himself out of the MUFC vacancy. But his brother Klippetty may be interested...
(I love the daft ones!)
(I love the daft ones!)
Don't worry. Mt 6:25-34
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Re: It's time for the jokes, folks!
Glyn wrote:Jurgen Klopp has ruled himself out of the MUFC vacancy. But his brother Klippetty may be interested...
"My Mum always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana"
HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
Original HTFCSA #2
Original PPD number 21
HTFCSA 'Supporter of the Year' 2014
Original HTFCSA #2
Original PPD number 21