Pitmen Chat - Independent HTFC Fans Forum

Lots of other FC forums have a jokes section (and we did on the penultimate one), so it's time we did.... but KEEP THEM CLEAN please or they will be deleted

A report says that 70% of 14-year old girls in Telford go binge-drinking every week.

That's terrible. Genuinely shocking.

I mean, who's looking after their kids?

Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed 26 people up the rear end over the last 48 hours, reckon he is following a pattern.

I bought a Scouse Advent Calendar today, chocolates had already been nicked and the windows were all boarded up.

The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

Soup Dragon wrote:The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

Glyn wrote:Lots of other FC forums have a jokes section (and we did on the penultimate one), so it's time we did.... but KEEP THEM CLEAN please or they will be deleted

...and we have one as well now! Power to the People!!

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

This man pushed me into a bag of peanuts, so I told the police - they asked me if I was assaulted - I said 'No - dry roasted!!!'

Q. How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

A. To get to the other side.

... and still the funniest (clean) joke I've ever heard....

Two camels walking across the desert.

One says to the other: "I don't care what they say, I'm thirsty"

Two tigers walking down the high street. One turns to the other and says, "It's a bit quiet today..."


Rubbish I know so I'll wait for the crimbo crackers before I make my next offering

Perton Pitman wrote:
Rubbish I know so I'll wait for the crimbo crackers before I make my next offering

Okay - here you are then .. one Christmas cracker!!

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

The price of hearing aids has gone up.
Deaf people across the country are going "how much?"

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue and I couldn't put it down.

Has someone bought you Tim Vine's joke book as an early Christmas present?

The Beerhunter wrote:Has someone bought you Tim Vine's joke book as an early Christmas present?

Is there a punchline to that joke?

I had Jehovahs Witnesses come to the door today, feeling in a good mood I invited them in, showed them into the living room and asked them if they would like a cup of tea. I put the kettle on and said "now what was it you wanted to talk to me about".
One of them looked me straight in the eyes and said "I haven't got a clue we've never got this far before".

Man UTD and Man City have joined forces to launch a new perfume for Christmas.
It's called Channel Number 5.

I know it's personal, but it's no-one any of us know personally……..

I laughed out loud when I heard the Stoke fans singing, 'Gareth Bale, he looks like a chimp', this afternoon.

"History repeats itself" - the slogan for The History Channel + 1.

A moth goes to an osteopath and says "I'm having a breakdown."
Osteopath says, "you should see a psychiatrist."
Moths says, "I was, but your light was on."

The officials at Worksop - they were a joke! Albeit, a bad one……..